Mine
by RedgeandLilly
Summary: Rachel's Yeerk ponders his feelings. Animorphs Songfic. Warning: Dark.


_**Stoplight, lock the door. Don't look back. . . .**_

I still remembered the day as though it had happened only moments beforehand. The human girl slept silently now but I knew that wouldn't last. Her dreams, for once did not interest me, so I looked back into the mind we shared. Looked back to that fateful day seven years ago…

_**Undress in the dark, And hide from you, All of you. . . .**_

_I can hear them gaining now. Six Hork-Bajir… No seven… I can't morph. Not enough time. Jake… Cassie . . . Ax… all gone now. Marionettes under the control of a Yeerk puppet master. I haven't seen Marco or Tobias in weeks… tears sting my eyes as I think of them lying sprawled lifeless, or worse- staring balefully from the bars of a cage._

_ I have no time for these thoughts now however, only action. I turn and face my pursuers drawing a stolen Dracon beam from its holster on my hip. I feel a familiar demented smile stretch my lips and I see doubt flicker in a few of their eyes. __**Good. **__Marco had always called me Xena Warrior Princess. I guess that it was true. Running away from the Yeerks I felt like the frightened sixteen year old girl I am. Standing toe to toe with the Hork-Bajir I feel the adrenaline fill my all-too-Human body and I am the warrior once more._

_ My instincts are right and I vaporize the two that try to close ranks on me before the others can even blink. That still left five against one. I managed to shoot two more before the remaining three overwhelmed me, knocking the Dracon beam from my hands. I feel something pierce my skin and realize what they are doing. _

_**Sedative… They don't want me conscious… I'm… **_

_ Then the blackness rose and claimed all. _

/Too dangerous.\\ I finished the thought in a whisper. /Yes Rachel, you are far too dangerous to roam free.\\

_**You'll never know the way your words have haunted me . . .**_ _**I can't believe you'd ask these things of me. You don't know me.**_

I hated this human with a passion. She had killed so many of my fellow Yeerks, even my twin. Though to be fair she had not known the Hork-Bajir she had shot that day had hosted my brother, Irem 1644 the lesser. And yet with all my loathing of this human I held great admiration for her as well. She had never once given up, and she knew no help would come for her. The Andalites were fighting doggedly for their own planet, having barely enough ships to keep up their defense perimeter, let alone help another race. Any race that was advanced enough to help them had been taken already, or annihilated. Still she did not stop fighting me. I'm not sure when it happened. Sometime in my seven year occupation of her mind my hatred changed. Became something . . . different. Other. An emotion completely alien to me.

Rachel sensed the change and responded the only way she knew how. She taunted me. She and I fought tooth and nail. She already knew she had lost. So she lashed out, throwing epithets as if they were physical weapons she could wield. And after our battles ceased it would baffle us both that her words had the power to wound me so deeply._**  
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_**You belong to me, My snow white queen. There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over. Soon I know you'll see, you're just like me. Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you…**_

I was not the most high ranking of those who had taken an "Andalite Bandit" as a host body. Only Visser Eight to Odrett's Visser Six, Ziyam's Visser Four, or Vexic's Visser Three. Though we were all feared, because of rank and morphing ability, I was told I was the most terrifying. There was something about Cassie's face that could never really capture the extreme coldness that warned Vexic's subordinates that they should back away _slowly_. In the same way Odrett was the opposite type of leader than Jake. Odrett was an unassuming leader, very subtle. Many people thought he was too soft with his subordinates. Then they shut their mouths, if their hosts had them, when they saw him in battle. Odrett's personality was only ever terrifying if you opposed him. I doubt he would even have tortured a host for too long if it shut up for a moment and cooperated. Ziyam spoke only to his subordinates to issue orders or answer questions. Unlike the other infamous Andalite-controller Ziyam was not prone to projecting his thought speak loudly to call attention to himself. When Ziyam wanted to make himself heard he was heard. Ziyam has… presence. That's the only way I can describe it. Still I see very little of him as I was needed here to finish the final colonization here Earth while he is currently spearheading the invasion of the Andalite homeworld.

I have been told, even by higher Vissers, that I am almost always terrifying. I do not doubt this in the least. Rachel was, and still is, a beautiful human. That beauty is inhuman when she is enraged. I am generally very level-headed, so if you have managed to get under my skin you have managed a feat not many have accomplished. Congratulations! Your prize? Instant death. Rachel sometimes compares me in her mind to their old rival Esplin 9466, the former Visser Three. I merely laugh at her comparison. I remember one occasion in particular;

_I see the direction of her thoughts. I laugh. She bristles resenting the intrusion into her mind. I want to shake my head. You'd think she'd get used to it after seven years. _

_/What?\\ She asks, voice petulant._

_/If I were Esplin you would be a broken shell cowering in the back of your mind.\\ _

_/Well if that's true why haven't you done it yet oh high and mighty Visser?\\ She sneered my title making it an insult. It was amazing how she could make anything an insult. _

_/Now why would I do that?\\ I replied, sarcasm coloring my tone. She snorted, unamused. _

_/Why wouldn't you?\\ She retorted. I could not reply, all humor lost again. I am suddenly introspective. I could break this human if I wanted to. The trouble was I didn't want to. I wanted her like this. Real, and vibrant, her hatred for me like a cold blue flame, it consumed every her thought. I needed __**her**__. Her body meant nothing to me if she were not here. She would be there of course. But gibbering, and incoherent? No. I wanted her. She was __**mine**__. I wanted her for all that she was; beautiful, intelligent, strong, and utterly, utterly unattainable. _

_/Well?\\ She demanded. /I'm waiting. Why so silent Irem? Thinking deep thoughts?\\ She laughs derisively._

_/Shut up.\\ _

_**Wake up in a dream frozen in fear. All your hands on me. I can't scream . . .**_

Rachel wakes up screaming often. She cannot scream in the way she would like to after her nightmares have finally come to their macabre end. She would like to draw a deep lungful of air and shriek, not stopping until her air ran out and the sound had chaffed her airways raw. Instead her cries were silent shouts, echoes of her pain reverberating in the mind we shared.

I tried not to feel pity. Tried to ignore the fact that I was the cause of some of those nightmares. One such night Rachel's nightmares were particularly nasty. It was a memory. A memory of an event only about two weeks ago.

_The Hork-Bajir drag him out in front of me. He is older now, but I still recognize him. The cute boyish face has transformed, he has lost his round cheeks and I see that they are high and prominent; much like his mother's. His brown eyes are filled with fear and hate as he scans the crowd, presumably looking for some way to escape. As if the Hork-Bajir holding him were only a minor detail if he could figure that part out. I would have shook my head if I'd been able. _

_/Same old Marco.\\ I say, hearing the despair tinge my voice. Almost as if my words had been spoken aloud Marco's eyes fix on me. I see them widen in disbelief, cloud with pain, then finally see his walls go up preventing any emotion to flicker across his face again. I feel Irem smirk. _

_ "No. I think I want to handle this one personally." There is intent behind that sentence. NO! I will not let Marco become a controller too. _

The dream did not end well. Marco did become a controller, though he didn't stay that way for long. He escaped again, not long after. Sometimes Rachel envied him but mostly she was just glad he was free.

_**I can't escape the twisted way you think of me. I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep. You belong to me, my snow white queen. There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over. Soon I know you'll see, you're just like me. Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you…**_

The Andalites defeated. Our glorious conquest had finally come to fruition and I felt…nothing. The insufferable race was decimated and its remaining members were tools of the Yeerk Empire. This knowledge made me feel strangely hollow inside. Our goal from the very beginning, the goal that defined us as a race and it was finally over. We had won. Rachel mocked me, mocked the short-sightedness of my fellow Yeerks.

/What now Irem? What do you have to live for now? Your enemy is gone. Fools all of you! You were so blinded by your hatred you never stopped to consider what happens next. What happens when your brutal desire is finally sated. But wait…it never is, is it? You will never be satisfied will you? You'll just keep going on and on until the entire universe is as sordid and ugly as you are!\\

I remained silent, looking at what had once probably been an impressive field of blue grass and brightly colored trees. Acrid smoke filled the air making it hard to breathe. Corpses littered the ground around us. I was sure they'd not lie their long enough to stink, the Taxxons would be sure to see to that. Trees lay on the ground, their boughs broken and leaves scattered. Ashes clung to the grass making the once vibrant blue a dull mockery of its former glory. She was right of course. It would never end.

The cycle would continue. Our urges did seem to be insatiable. Another day, another world. Just another species to exploit. Yet another screaming creature in the ever growing number of cages.

"Let's go." I said finally, speaking to the officer flanking me. And I walked away leaving the carnage and despair of a broken world behind me.

_**I can't save your life, though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting. And I, I'm losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides! **_

The battle for this species was heated to say the least. The Kelbrid did not take lightly to any invasion of their borders and when they had learned of our intent their attacks and become more pointed and vicious. Still a great number of them had already been captured. The Kelbrid could not hope to resist for much longer. Still there were rumors that the Kelbrid High Council had ordered the creation a secret weapon, one that could be adapted to use against their "new" foe. Rachel always vehemently hoped for the creation of such a weapon.

/Why?\\ I had asked her once. Her psychotic laugh reverberated around my head.

/Why? Why? You have made my life a living hell and I want rid of you. I want rid of you all! All of you filthy stinking parasites will die!\\ She had regained control of one hand and used it to strike herself with as much force as she could muster. My cheek had stung for an hour, but not as much as my pride.

/You think that hurts me puny human?\\ I mocked her. But my words were hollow and we both knew it.

/I know it does Yeerk. I just can't figure out why.\\

_**You belong to me, my snow white queen. There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over. Soon I know you'll see, you're just like me. Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you…All I want is you…All I want is you. **_

I took in a deep breath. Pain. I exhaled. More pain. If I could just focus I could morph away these injuries. But I had lost too much blood…There was so much blood…My soldiers lay around me, already dead. I was sure I would soon follow. We had been so close. So close…

Rachel's insane laughter taunted my every breath. /What's wrong Irem? Why so secretive? Still won't tell me. Such a shame.\\ She was right of course. What more did I have to lose? My pride? That was certainly gone, as this was one of the most undignified was I could imagine dying…

I opened myself to her, letting her see the full scope of my treason, the larger implications of my feelings. I expected jeers or perhaps the silence of deep shock. Instead she laughed once more.

/What…\\ I gasped in pain. /What is so funny Human? You are still dying! Still a slave to me, even in your last minutes! I control you. I own you!\\ I expected shouts, curses, threats. Nothing, only more laughter.

/That is where you are wrong Irem. You may own my body, but I own your heart, however small and withered with it may be. I have you! Not the other way around! Don't you see. You. Are. My. Slave. Irem. I own your soul and I always have! When I die I will finally be free of you. But even after…you will never _ever_ be free of me.\\

Then the blackness engulfed us. And my final reality was only searing pain and the faint echo of Rachel's maniacal laughter.


End file.
